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This whole thing is hard – Alexandra Kostoulas

–Alexandra Kostoulas |

This whole thing is hard.

Some days are easier than others. Today was one of those days that was easier emotionally.

But the few times I do go outside I see sad and worried looks on people’s faces in the streets.

And the people who are selling food or in the essential services look exhausted and are wearing masks and limiting access to the hardware store etc.

You have to tell them what you want, and they make sure that not too many people are in the store before you can go in and pay.

I bought soil and the last seedlings they had—mint, and I got some essential things from my office.

At the same time I do feel better when I go outside and see the world once in a blue moon. People are clearly losing it. I saw a pile of office worker left behind detritus in the Tenderloin next to a tent of homeless people that was black and charred—-like it had been burned.

On Friday, I saw a bourgeois woman in her 30s walking her purebred dog while drinking a glass of wine (in a wine glass) while wearing a designer wide-brimmed hat with a huge gold chain around the brim and a fur coat, casually chatting to another person in vocal fry at the mouth of Golden Gate Park while social distancing.

Also boarded up businesses overnight in the rich newly gentrified part of town. I am staying in for the foreseeable future or until I run out of eggs.

I have made my house my sanctuary.

I have more help with the kids than I normally do. And I don’t give a shit about their bedtime.

They will eventually sleep as they are doing right now. A lot has happened while I have been on maternity leave. The whole world changed. #dispatchesfromquarantine